One Goal of Parenting…

So naturally now that we’ve talked about letting go we can slide into a short comment on a primary goal of parenting, which is to raise your kids up so they leave you. Period. The idea is to put yourself out of business.
Unfortunately many folks would like to hang onto their children, and keep trying to make up for their ancient parenting errors, but all this does is make it harder for the children to move on in life. What we need to do is to let go, give up that inner obligation to “parent forever”.
When the kids are young we’re involved in what I call “active parenting”…but as they grow up, more and more our challenge is to transition over to what I call “consultative parenting”. This involves a shift from directing the children’s lives to offering input, when invited, about handling the many challenges that life throws at us. We’re not telling them what to do anymore…we’re offering advice they can either keep or discard.  The parents become “consultants in life’s dilemmas.”  To do this requires a significant philosophical shift on the parent’s part.
Ultimately this approach will result in the children increasingly becoming your peers, and less your dependents. What does it take to do this? Many times, what’s really necessary is a belief in your young adult’s ability to architect his or her own destiny, regardless of whether or not the young adult has yet developed those abilities. It’s very powerful and supportive to believe in something yet unseen like this, but it’s all about having faith in your kids, and letting that faith carry you and your young person into the next stages of life.