How should we be talking to each other?

Therapists are constantly advising couples to communicate more, communicate more clearly with each other. In general that’s good advice, but what should they be communicating about in particular? Some marriages are quiet affairs with not much speaking going on between the partners. In this case, a greater volume of shared material might be a good idea. Remember, you can’t expect your mate to know about you unless you tell them. To make the assumption that your partners knows you and understands you just because you both spend lots of time together is an assumption which often proves to be not the case. How often have we heard partners say, “gee, I didn’t know you felt that way”?

It’s also a good idea to make a habit of sharing both information and feelings with your mate. Sharing information (what’s happening with the children, events approaching which we have to remember, etc.) is important in that it promotes staying informed about each other’s lives, and it mostly involves cerebral operations; “head” issues. Sharing feelings (how I feel in general today, what happened that upset me, made me glad, caused me concern, etc.) is important in that it lets the partner know what your emotional status is, and it promotes staying connected to each other; “heart” matters. To sum it up:

– Sharing information keeps us INFORMED.

– Sharing feelings keeps us CONNECTED.