Many people I’ve talked with over the years rather cheerfully admit admit “yes, I’m a control freak”. When we think about it, that’s not such a good label to put on yourself. In most cases, it would be better if the person were concerned about being controlling rather than defending it.
We have a choice in life…we can either trust, or control.
Being controlling indicates a general insecurity with the world as well as a lack of trust, both in oneself and in the environment. Having to control every little detail and activity of life, both in oneself and in those around you, says you really can’t relax and trust the process of life unfolding. It’s like disbelieving that your body has the ability to hold you up without your directing it to. Try this little experiment: close your eyes and ascend a set of steps. See if you can make it all the way to the top without opening your eyes and looking at the step you’re about to put your foot on. If you open your eyes and peek, that should be a message to you about trusting. You see, your leg muscles have been trained over years of conditioning to know how high to lift your foot in order to clear the tread on steps. Those muscles don’t need your eyes to check to see how high your foot has lifted. The body knows instinctively how to operate to get you up those stairs.
A similar exercise is the “trust fall” in which you let yourself fall backwards into the arms of an individual waiting to catch you. This is a very powerful exercise which can tell you a lot about your ability to trust. Can you let go? Can you release yourself into the care of another? Or do you have to hold on, unable to let go and take a chance?
If you find you’re unable to trust, then you’re bound to be controlling. Besides limiting your life in general, it runs the risk of conveying to folks around you that you don’t really feel they are trustworthy. Just think of what that does to the sharing and intimacy that need to be a part of a significant relationship!
Chase E. Kneeland, M.Div. LMFT 