Are Your Holidays Complicated?

Although the holidays can be a wonderful opportunity to get together with relatives and friends, the interactions between family members can become trying at times. Why is this?

There are lots of reasons…folks who haven’t seen each other all year, who are out of touch with developments in each other’s lives, are supposed to connect and be comfortable with each other. Brothers and sisters wrestle with unresolved issues of competition and favoritism. The aunt with the drinking problem that nobody wants to acknowledge, despite the fact that each year her inappropriate behavior increases. Many folks who have lost a loved one during the year, like a spouse or a son or daughter, are filled with feelings as they approach holiday get-togethers. It’s supposed to be a joyous time…but so often the mood is bittersweet. How are we to handle ourselves?

First, take an honest inventory of yourself and know what moods and sentiments you’ll most likely be carrying into your holiday encounters. What’s happened during the year that’s sensitized you, have you experienced any personal loss? Many people underrate the effect of upsets that come along in life, and often the holidays provide a focal point for those difficult times.

Next, as best you can, be aware of both the successes and the trials your family members and guests have been going through. They will bring those moods with them as you all visit together. Reconnecting will involve talking about these matters, so don’t be surprised at the level of conversation.

Finally, have the expectation that holiday gatherings will be stressful, even though there’s happiness and sharing woven through the time, so you’re not caught off-guard. Remember that many folks have unresolved issues between them that they simply duck discussing and resolving, which means they carry the issues with them from year to year, and these issues often surface during the holiday celebrations. Being mindful and aware of this possibility sets the stage for you to have reasonable expectations about how the holiday times together will flow…