We live in an age where immediate gratification has become the norm. No longer do we have to wait long for answers to our concerns, our questions about life’s many issues, our wishes for material things. The psychology of the credit card is fascinating – here we have a small piece of plastic with seemingly magical powers – it allows us to acquire what we want almost instantly, and put off paying for it until later, and later, and later. Really, I didn’t mean this discussion to be about credit cards and material things, but let’s take note of this theme and consider how it affects us in another realm, the matter of everyday decision-making and anxiety management.
Everyone lives with a certain amount of anxiety every day; it’s not unnatural or necessarily a cause for alarm. Really, some anxiety is a good thing in that it propels us to take care of matters in life that have to be handled. Look at the pattern – a task arises, we feel a bit of tension about it, we handle the task, the tension goes away. We’ve all been there, right? Too little anxiety and we don’t get motivated to take on the task… too much anxiety and we get paralyzed by fears about the task.
Sometimes folks find themselves making decisions too quickly as they don’t like having anxiety well up inside them. This will lead to hastily conceived solutions that are really not tailored correctly to the problem. I call this tendency “jumping to solution”. Ultimately it may give you as many problems as it attempts to solve, because your decisions are not well thought out. It’s like taking the roast out of the oven before it’s fully cooked; the roast is out, but it’s a bit raw… A baby born prematurely is another good example; it’s better for everyone if the baby gestates the whole 40 weeks, even though the last few weeks are pretty tough on the pregnant mom-to-be and her family to take a deep breath and live through.
So what’s it take to not “jump to solution”? Basically, the inner belief that taking your time is the best way to proceed, and that enduring a bit of tension preceeding the decision is something that can be tolerated. Let’s face it, everyone faces these dilemmas – kids going off to college, which one should I choose? Our old car needs replacing, which one should we buy? Should we sell the house and downsize or wait? Taking your time, gathering information, tolerating the tension of not having the decision made, this is a good way to move forward in life.
Chase E. Kneeland, M.Div. LMFT 