I read somewhere awhile ago that disappointment is always a function of expectations. I don’t know about you, but I’m always looking for some “near-absolutes” that can help guide me through life, and I think this insight is one of them. And what series of events are more expectation-laden than the Holidays?
Just like the idea of Santa Claus granting us our every wish, the Holidays are a time when we get bombarded with promises of happy family times with struggles and limitations going away, and promises of renewed energy and vigor for facing the challenges of the coming New Year. It’s a short but intense period of time wherein we project all our hopes and dreams that have failed to materialize all year onto this brief interlude, at the end of December and beginning of January. But what a great way to architect a failure than to load up the poor old mule with far more than he could ever carrry!
What we need to do is work with ourselves to keep our expectations reasonable. No, Santa is not going to bring me a new car. But perhaps we can adjust our family budget to accommodate one. Of course we all dream about having a big family get-together during Christmas week where everyone has a good time, where hurt feelings get put aside and we’re all cooperative and loving with each other…but how about if we settle for a smaller gathering of family members who truly enjoy each other’s company and have no hidden agendas to be spiteful, competitive, or “getting even” with one another? And the king of all New Year’s Resolutions, to lose weight and get in shape – how about considering achieving this over the entire year, not just the first 6 weeks? The more reasonable and down-to-earth our expectations, the more likely we’ll be successful in making them happen.
A progressive idea would be to use the Holidays to highlight issues and concerns that should be paid attention to during the coming year. For instance, that family member I’ve had tension with, isn’t it time to deal with the grudge we’re both carrying? Or take an hour to sit down with mom and dad to share with them things I’ve been wanting to say for a long time. Perhaps it’s time to share with your mate concerns you’ve had about your relationship but been afraid to address. That potential career move you’ve been contemplating…let’s sit down with the important people in your life and consider it openly, and the impact it would have on them.
The happiness, success, and positivity of the spirit of the Holidays remind us of life’s ideals…while the time following the Holidays brings us back to life’s realities. By and large, the swing from ideals to realities has a lot to do with triggering our sense of disappointment. Let’s use what we experience during the Holidays to move us forward into reasonable and reachable goals in 2015.
Chase E. Kneeland, M.Div. LMFT 