Has it ever occurred to you how much our contemporary world encourages us to misrepresent the truth? We call it a variety of things such as “political expediency”, “embellishment”, “white lies”, “half-truths”, etc. However we choose to spin it, in the final analysis we have to say it’s simply not telling the truth. It’s descending into being inauthentic.
Ask most folks what characteristic they admire most in people and they’ll say personal honesty, integrity, authenticity. Why? Because such a person can be trusted. Down through history, trust is probably the most important ingredient in a good, solid relationship. An honest person is a trustworthy person, someone you can rely on to shoot straight with you, give you reliable feedback and advice. Such a friend is invaluable.
Have you ever caught yourself exaggerating certain details of a story? At a social event a number of years ago, I overheard a relative bragging to a young woman he was talking to that he too had an “office in Denver”. I pulled him aside later and asked him about it, knowing that he’d closed that office some years back. He replied to me, “oh, it just makes for a better story”, and brushed me off. Well, it might seem like a good idea at the moment, but if the young businesswoman, who lived in Denver, ever checked up on him she’d discover his deception. How would that fare for him in the long run?
I’m not trying to be an unreasonable stickler about this, but I am concerned about the long-term effects and the personal toll that letting onself slide into this kind of “innocent deception” and self deception might bring down on a person. Relationships are hard work to develop and maintain, and easy to damage. Just look at the difficulties Brian Williams has gotten himself into lately. I’m sure Brian didn’t mean to be intentionally deceptive, but for one reason or another he allowed himself to drift into misstatements of fact.
We have to be mindful of what we say, what we represent as fact. We have to listen to ourselves talking, hear what we’re saying and how we’re coming across. Are we wanting to impress our listeners, and falling into misrepresentations in the process? Or are we just being careless in our speech? Slow down and observe yourself in action…there’s no downside to doing this!
Chase E. Kneeland, M.Div. LMFT 