Want More/Better Sex? Here’s the Secret…

It’s our national preoccupation; I’m certain of it. Everyone wants more sex in their lives…better sex. I receive free promotional magazines in the mail routinely – GQ, The Atlantic, Allure – which contain article after article about sex, how to attract women, how to have more exciting sex, etc. Full of suggestions about clothes, music, where to go, little clever things to say, etc. Unfortunately, they all miss the key ingredient, time after time. I won’t keep you in suspense, here’s the secret (directed more to the men than the women): Guys…just talk to the girl.

It’s important to put things in their rightful place in life, and so   it’s essential to recognize that sex is part of a relationship, and that difficulties arise when we neglect this reality. How many of us take our relationships for granted, and how many of us consciously consider how important it is to be attentive to our relationships? What happens if we neglect to water our houseplants? They die. If we don’t feed the birds? They go elsewhere. If we don’t communicate with our significant other? Our relationship with that person suffers. Period. End of story.

My brother is a pretty darn good golfer. He remarked to me recently that he realized that expecting to become a better golfer when you only play every 2 weeks is an unrealistic expectation. In short – with that rate of play, becoming a better golfer will never happen. When folks talk to me, I listen, and I think about what they say. I took my brother’s comment to me as much more a “commentary on life” than he probably intended. I’m not a very good golfer, but I am going fly-fishing in the Bahamas soon. Do you think I’ve been practicing my casting?…

Recently a client told me he’s working 60 hours per week, coaching Little League, and active in his church during the weekends. He loves his wife, but cannot understand why their sex life is virtually nonexistent. He’s a terrific guy, but he’s not spending time just plain talking with his wife. Letting her know who he is, where he’s at in his life, what he’s involved in, and finding out about her and her life. The answer to his dilemma is so simple…it goes like this:

Communication – Connection – Intimacy

Without talking there can’t be connecting, and without connecting there can’t be intimacy. Period. End of story.

Guys, if you don’t understand what I’m saying here, share this post with your significant other and ask her to explain it to you. That will take courage on your part, which is totally admirable, and a great step toward revolutionizing your relationship. You see, this is all about relating, something I’m not sure many of us are naturally all that good at. We have to learn somewhere, from someone. Where do you think I did?

You guessed it.

My wife.