I think this is a trend almost everyone I know falls into – the tendency to get overextended. In commitments, at work, in finances, in activities (both fun and obligations), it seems the majority of us tend to overdo it and only manage to put on the brakes when life gets exhausting. Why do we function like this?
Most likely, the answer has to do with a number of things, and high on the list is not being very aware of ourselves and our limitations. Some folks don’t like the idea of having limitations; they prefer to think of themselves as expansive and extremely flexible, and so they wind up overcommitted routinely. My wife says about me periodically that I keep trying to fit ten pounds of sugar into a five-pound sack. The truth is, we all have limitations which should be respected.
It’s been estimated that 70% of Americans spend beyond their means annually. Add to this the speculation that 49% of Americans over the age of 50 have virtually no retirement savings and we have a challenging reality to deal with. Financial advisors tell us that annual spending in a family expands to accommodate whatever income is available. In other words, we’ll tend to spend whatever we make. It’s wise, therefore, to treat saving just like any other household bill; to consider it an “expense” and pay yourself each month a certain portion of monthly income. This isn’t designed to be a commentary on financial management, but take note of the tendency we’re seeing here – flirting with overextension by spending up to what we make each month. The compelling question for us is – if overextension is such a tendency in our human nature, how can we compensate for it?
When you eat a meal, do you stop eating when you notice you’re not hungry anymore, or do you find yourself continuing past the point of being hungry? Test yourself and try it tonight at dinnertime. Many folks report they routinely overeat past the point of feeling satisfied. Why? Due to a lack of consciousness of being full! See the pattern here of overdoing it? A self-observant person will notice this theme in many aspects of daily life.
Work productivity consultants tell us that the amount of work available to be done increases to fill the time allotted for it. Translation: if you have an extra few minutes, another task will appear for you to handle. So how are we to manage the number of demands on our time and energies? My personal solution, albeit imperfect, is to be careful not to underestimate the time it takes to complete a task. If I think a task will take 30 minutes to complete, I allow an hour. True, I’m arranging it to get fewer tasks done in an afternoon…but I’m not building tension into my life by cramming too many tasks into too short a time span.
Finally, our culture doesn’t help us not become overextended. Children’s athletic schedules that consume afternoons and many weekends, evening meetings for charitable organizations and social opportunities, and routine work demands all contribute to leaving us frazzled and feeling like our lives are not our own property. The antidote – slowing down our pace of living, respecting the reality of our limitations, and seeing our tendencies to overbook and overcommit for what they are. Oh yes, and noticing when you’re full…
Chase E. Kneeland, M.Div. LMFT 