Are You A People Pleaser?…At Your Own Expense?

I don’t think there’s any denying that in many ways our world has gotten increasingly self-oriented over the last two decades. Put bluntly, we’re more selfish as a society in general than we were in past generations. With this in mind, let’s look at a phenomenon which has gained traction lately, perhaps partly as a reaction to the increase in our selfishness…becoming a People Pleaser.

Looked at objectively, there’s really nothing wrong with developing an attitude of noticing and valuing the needs and wishes of the other person. It compensates positively for our trending toward becoming more selfish, and actively demonstrates the importance of working together, community, and that “no man is an island”. Can there be any downside to it?

Well, yes! Remember, we always have to ask ourselves what’s behind our developing in this particular direction? Are we doing it primarily to benefit our society, or are we motivated by subtle agendas that even we ourselves don’t recognize? I think it can be both. Take for instance the matter of trying to gain approval…

Many People Pleasers I’ve met over the years are constantly seeking to have other folks approve of them. The problem with this is that seeking to achieve an inner goal through an outer mechanism is bound to meet with failure over the long run. In other words, trying to gain someone’s approval by attempting to be pleasing to them is simply not guaranteed to be a successful venture! For instance, if you’re my employee and you do a good job on a project, I’m going to thank you for doing your job well. I won’t know that you’re really looking for me to approve of you as a valuable and quality individual…and nor is it really my job to do that…it’s your job to validate and approve of yourself at that deeper level! Examine yourself – if you find that you long for validation and approval like we’re describing here – and ask yourself “what happened to my validating myself?…how come I can’t do this myself?” Good question, eh? Once we start asking this kind of question we’re on the road to really making some headway toward appreciating ourselves more!

The other matter we need to be mindful of here is the tendency to overdo it. Of course it’s a positive thing to think of others and their needs, but do we do that so much it’s to our detriment? Do you have the ability to say “no” to requests? Have you ever wound up depriving yourself and family due to taking on too many obligations you couldn’t turn down? Remember, being considerate and helpful to others shouldn’t cost us too much. It’s important here to notice the all-too-human tendency to get overextended!

In closing, I hope this post gives us all something to think about. Personal growth happens first at the inner level, on the inside, and then it percolates to the outside of a person’s character, where it shows in changed behaviors. Keep this in mind as 2016 gets underway!