Make Sure We Define Our Limits, And Then Respect Them!

Everyone has limits, and the big question is, do we define them? But then, the even greater question – do we respect them, and ask other folks to respect them as well? I know, this may sound a bit pushy, but being pushy is not necessary to achieve the result I’m recognizing here…it’s all about really just being firm.

Have you ever attended an evening meeting but made an arrangement to leave prior to the meeting’s end, and then you find yourself staying longer than you should, unable to break away and honor your second commitment for the evening? Sure, but who among us hasn’t? This is a terrific example of failing to honor your own limits.

We telegraph to others how firm we are, or are not, with our own limits. If we treat ourselves like this, not honoring our own limits, we shouldn’t be surprised if others do the same to us! Remember, we train the people around us to treat us like they do. If we’re cavalier with our own limits, we’re indicating to others that it’s OK to treat us in a cavalier fashion when it comes to our own limits.

Some might say we’re not being “spontaneous enough” when we stick to our limits. It seems to me this is a meritless argument. I think it was General George Patton who said, “stick with your plan unless a better one emerges”. I recall some time ago when I was testifying in a custody case and the decision went against my recommendation. When I complained to an attorney friend of mine that I thought the judge already had his mind made up about the case, my friend replied, “yes, I’m sure he did, but he was keeping an open mind and waiting for you to say something that changed his mind”…clearly an example of staying with the initial plan unless additional information arrives that changes the plan!

Finally, following on the theme of the People Pleaser which I wrote about in my last post, do you find yourself listening carefully to determine the preferences of those around you and then modifying your plan to fit? What this means is that you are either not truly invested in your plan to begin with, or you are sufficiently weak-willed and impressionable enough to change your plan simply because some are not pleased with it. People Pleasers inevitably undermine their credibility and integrity by functioning like this, and in the long run lose out on being pleasing at all since folks who are depending on them need to believe they are strong and authentic at a core level.

Once again, we have lots to consider. Where do you stand when it comes to sticking with your plans?…