What’s So Great About Humility?

I was in my late 20’s when I first got some feedback from a colleague I respected that I ought to do something about my lack of humility. I was surprised to hear that, but like many comments people make that are true, we usually have a hard time really registering them and taking them to heart. As I examined myself, I began to see that I was coming across haughty, prideful, and sort of “full of myself”. I thought I was just demonstrating a positive self-esteem, but that really wasn’t the case. That was a difficult differentiation to make, and it took time for the realization to fully dawn on me.

It seems to me that this is a difficult arena for many of us to navigate. Everywhere we turn we find someone exhorting us to “be proud of yourself, stand up for yourself, have a positive self-esteem”. The media, popular psychology, and those who exhort us to relate to the world this way don’t seem to recognize that these are internal personality attributes that have to reside within the individual first; they can’t be simply manufactured and then painted on the outside of the personality because it makes for a better public presentation. What I was doing was the latter, not the former, and it made me appear superficial and, unfortunately, arrogant.

So where does humility come into this picture? My definition of humility is having an honestly realistic assessment of oneself, neither inflating one’s value nor putting oneself down unfairly. I call humility the “great leveller” and a “glad corrective” in that it brings us back into balance when we’re out of balance with ourselves, with our close relationships, with the world. When we think more of ourselves than reality warrants, we’re out of balance. Similarly, when we think less of ourselves than reality warrants, we’re also out of balance. Arrogance is all about having too inflated an appraisal of oneself; self-deprecation is about having too modest an appraisal of oneself. Having a realistic appraisal of oneself, one’s talents and assets along with one’s limitations and liabilities, this gives us balance in life…and humility can get us to this goal. Humility says, “this is what I am, and I feel solid about myself. I’m not overrepresenting my abilities nor am I undercutting myself”.

Across the board in life, I think this is what we want to strive for; embracing our gifts and talents realistically. Humility keeps us out of trouble – it steers us clear of tumbling into arrogance, and I think that’s a major issue for many these days. It also tends to diminish counterproductive competitiveness between people, because when one inflates his abilities it tends to invite others to compete by inflating theirs!

Well, I hope this gives us all something to ponder during our upcoming Fourth of July holiday weekend!