Are You Bothered By Fearfulness Every Day?

Surveys have indicated over and over again that many folks live every day with significant levels of fearfulness in their lives.

The fears reported are not necessarily distinct fears of some traumatic event happening, but instead what people call “feelings of dread”. They range from mild feelings of forboding to mid-range feelings of danger; let’s say from 3 to 7 on a 10-scale…10 being a high level of active fear. Are you one of these people? If so, don’t feel ashamed – you’d be surprised how many people share your feelings!

Where do these fearful feelings come from? Well, there are many theories. Globally speaking, we live in an uncertain world with lots of ongoing difficulties and conflicts. There’s no doubt this contributes to our sense of general dis-ease. Our media favors reporting upsetting news over happy news, and studies have indicated viewing this material in the evening leads to broken and worried sleep. Economic ups and downs are an everyday challenge to our sense of security, and getting work plus staying employed over the longterm is far more difficult than in past decades. See how these “outer world” realities are fertile ground for fears and worries?

Our inner worlds of thoughts and feelings related to how we grew up and our general life experiences also contribute to our sense of security. Most of us grow up with some level of emotional deprivation – mom or dad going through a significant illness or life stress and thus becoming preoccupied and emotionally unavailable, too many siblings in the family for the amount of parental love and attention available, sickness or special concern for one child in the family which siphons off energy and affection for the other children, etc., etc. Not that any of this is the fault of the parents…blame, shame and faulting the parents has no place in this discussion…it’s just part of the hard realities of life…but it has an impact on the individual nonetheless, leaving a sense of insecurity and fearfulness that has to be dealt with throughout life.

So, how should we handle our fearfulness? First off, always acknowledge it! It’s surprising to me how many folks deny the reality or diminish registering to themselves the intensity of their fears. It seems many have an aversion to letting themselves know what they’re sensing when they don’t like the feeling. Call it human nature…it’s not good to do. Always honestly appraise your feelings for what they are.

Second, ask yourself: is my fear is a reflection of a true present-day issue or is it an old fearfulness coming back to revisit me? Many times what you’ll find is that the fear is indeed related to a present-day issue, but it’s being amplified by a powerful historical issue or event. Regardless of whether the fear is purely related to the present, your personal past, or a combination of both, thinking it through and coming to an assesment about the origin can be very helpful.

Third, talk about it with a trusted friend, your minister, or engage a qualified therapist. Isolating yourself and staying quiet about your fears virtually insures the fears will remain with you and continue to have negative effects on you. It’s remarkable what open sharing and actively facing your fears will do for your overall sense of well-being.