“I Just Want To Be Happy”…Is This A Reasonable Goal To Pursue?

There’s no doubt that feeling happy is important.  When researchers interview folks about what they want most in life, feeling happy is the most common answer.  But is this truly a realistic goal to quest after?  Can happiness really be achieved, like financial success in a business venture, or is it more a result of something else?  Let’s take a look at this idea…

For most of us, feeling happy is like feeling hungry – it comes and goes.  Feeling states cannot be manufactured; they have to arise on their own.  Oh sure, we’d like to be able to concentrate on creating the feeling of happiness and poof, it’s glowing within us…but that’s not how it works.  That this is the case might be frustrating to us, since we can:

• sit ourselves down and concentrate on finishing that book…
• have a cup of coffee and then get in the car and drive for hours…
• persevere at a task in the home until we complete it…

I think what we’re coming to see here is that activities can be done, achieved, completed – but that does not insure a particular feeling state will result.

• finishing that book will result in broadening our education…
• driving for hours will result in getting to our destination…
• completing the home task will result in what was broken being now usable…

But will any of these result in feeling happy?  We all know the answer!

It’s probably pretty clear now that happiness is a result of something.  So how can we encourage the feeling state of happiness to be with us most often?  Let’s ask some important personal questions:

• are you proud of yourself and what you’ve accomplished?
• do you feel worthy of feeling happy?
• are you truly pursuing at least one of your missions in life?

Most people I know are far too modest about their life accomplishments.  Finishing school, taking on the challenges of committed relationships and parenting, and dedicating oneself to work are all milestones we should be proud of.  Always ask yourself, “am I giving myself enough credit for all I’ve accomplished and contributed in life?”  Put simply, if you’ve worked hard, been authentic & honorable in your work and relationships, and lead an ethical and conscious life, then you have a right to be happy.

Often we set the bar so high for ourselves we wind up feeling like we’re forever falling short.   This will lead to difficulties in feeling worthy of being happy.  Comparing yourself to others is inevitable; we all do it.  However, it’s important to have someone who’s on the same plane as you are as your standard for comparison.  Few of us are as compassionate as Mother Teresa, as courageous as John F. Kennedy, or as imaginative as Thomas Alva Edison.  Comparing ourselves to these giants of humanity and demanding that we parallel their example is a sure way to wind up feeling second-rate.

Feeling eternally guilty over making mistakes is another contributor toward lacking a sense of worthiness.  Everyone makes mistakes…it’s a part of our human condition…but it’s what we do with our mistakes that makes the difference.  Mistakes are there to learn from, not to feel ashamed of.  Shame paralyzes a person, learning propels a person forward.  In your analysis of what went wrong when a project fails, always ask “what did I do or not do to contribute to this?”…and then ask “what do I need to learn to avoid this happening again?”  Learning from your failures doesn’t erase our failures, but it works to redeem them.

The matter of pursuing your missions in life is tremendously important.  If you give yourself time and space enough to be contemplative, you’ll probably come to see that certain endeavors call to you to get involved with them.  You’ll feel energy inside yourself driving toward investing in these goals, and it’s important to follow those urgings.  It doesn’t matter how fully you invest yourself in pursuit of these goals…it’s simply important that, at some level, you go after them intentionally.

Sometimes an individual wants to pursue a certain life path but feels blocked by conflicting loyalties. A friend of mine who is a principal in a large family business also had a strong calling to become a veterinarian.  However, the “family business came and got him”, as he put it.  He has been able to realize his deeper interests by establishing animal rescues in the neighboring communities, and through this has “lived out his mission”.  Another acquaintance is on the Board of Directors of an agency devoted to providing housing for senior citizens, thus allowing him to symbolically “give back” to his grandparents, who took him in and raised him when his mother and father were killed in an automobile accident when he was very young.

Think about your own life…what’s your mission?  Some people’s everyday work is their mission, but most folks don’t have that opportunity.  Fulfilling your mission in life is a powerful tool for feeling happy.  Remember, being happy is not a goal in itself; it’s a result of other things.