Historically here in the USA we’ve enjoyed a sense of security and safety as a national norm. As of late our nation has been plagued with many incidents of gun violence along with preoccupations with terrorism. This is not a platform for political commentary, but I want to focus on one matter that’s central to being able to grow as an individual…safety.
In 1943 Abraham Maslow, PhD, developed his classic “Hierarchy of Needs” theory. It involved a 5-layer pyramid of human needs in which the second layer is Safety & Security. Maslow stated that without the basic needs layers of the pyramid being firmly established the individual will have difficulty moving onto developing the upper layers, which are all about self-fulfillment needs.
Safety & security needs involve stability provided by law and order, freedom from fear, and protection from the elements. Sounds pretty elementary to most of us, right? A deeper look might reveal that many in our world don’t enjoy what we in America, and many other countries as well, take for granted.
Broadly speaking, there are two kinds of safety – physical and emotional. Being safe physically means freedom from bodily assault, threats of violence and intimidation. Whenever I do premarital counseling, I stress the importance of partners agreeing there will be no physical violence in their relationship…period. When partners are arguing and tempers flare to the point of striking each other, take a break…go for a 15 minute walk…come back and resolve the conflict when tempers are under control. Without the “safety net” of the agreement of no violence the partners will not develop the trust they need in their marriage for it to become durable and long-lasting. The same is true for all relationships.
Emotional safety is all about feeling accepted, valued, respected, trusted and able to relax and be vulnerable. It is a precursor to emotional intimacy and necessary in all significant relationships. When it comes to personal relationships, a sense of safety is paramount if we are to move closer to each other and develop an attitude of trusting one another. If I can’t feel trusting, how can I allow myself to get close to you? Trust is hard to develop and easy to damage. Trust allows us to let down our walls, lower our usual defenses between ourselves and the other person, and find commonality and peace in relationship. Becoming non-defensive always involves taking a chance, as we never really know what will happen if we make ourselves vulnerable. However, it’s most likely the best pathway to closeness.
In light of recent developments regarding sexual harassment against women throughout America, I feel compelled to call this for what it is – another significant safety violation. This type of safety violation has to do with taking advantage of, and there are many variations on this theme:
- taking advantage of superior rank
- taking advantage of permissive corporate culture
- taking advantage of established gender bias
- taking advantage of need and dependency
- taking advantage of indebtedness
These are just a few examples of taking advantage of resulting in transgressions of personal safety. Currently we are seeing a cascade of violations perpetrated by men against women, but certainly the reverse situation exists as well, and as the scales tip increasingly toward empowering women my prediction is we’ll see more reports of women taking advantage of men.
You might ask, “why are all these revelations happening now?” Although the overall issue is complex, this answer is simple: the critical mass point regarding this safety violation has been reached. Women who have been victimized can no longer remain silent. They have to speak up, and this encourages others to do the same. In the ongoing evolution of our nation, this is a dramatically crucial step forward, painful but necessary. Let’s hope the momentum continues as we advance into 2018!
Chase E. Kneeland, M.Div. LMFT 