Are You Good At Taking Advice?

If you are, then you are to be commended.  Taking the advice of others can be a wise way to live.  A friend can often see solution possibilities for your dilemmas more clearly than you can, because he has a different perspective on the difficulty and he is not caught in the middle of it.  When in the midst of a challenge, we often are so focussed on the core of the issue that we fail to see possible solutions lurking on the “edges” of the matter.

It’s not easy to take advice.  Many of us have been raised to be self-reliant, and taking advice from another means we’d “don’t know everything”.  One of the important milestones in personal development is developing a sense of mastery, and needing advice can make us doubt ourselves. However, it should be seen as part of the processof developing mastery.

Maturing requires a curious mix of respecting the process of gaining knowledge and realizing one never fully “graduates”.  So often college students will say they just want to “get out of school and start working”, as if the two are separate entities…when in reality they are inextricably linked…and the energy flows back and forth between them.  That’s why every day during my work I ask lots of questions; there’s always more to be learned, and it’s a good day when I can say “hey,I learned something new today”.  What does it take to enter into this way of thinking?  Just one thing – humility.

A sense of humility protects us from thinking we have all the answers.  I recall when I became a new Supervisor in our township I quickly realized I didn’t know much about municipal management and had to learn from someone.  For the first year of my term I said little and listened lots, asked questions, did research on pertinent topics, and engaged another Supervisor as a mentor.  That learning period served me well and I became an asset on the Board as a result. All I had to do was let go of my ego and become a student again.

Adopting the mind of the student is something which should always be accompanying us.  Although we reserve our early years for formal education, we always have opportunities to learn and grow.  As adults we have business coaches, mentoring programs, family advisors, and therapists available to assist us on our life journey.  Have you noticed that often we are emotionally more ready to learn as adults than when we’re children?

Periodically I encounter a married couple in distress in which one of the marriage partners is against getting therapy.  This has got to be one of the most self-defeating attitudes around!  Imagine having a toothache and refusing to see the dentist…what is there to be afraid of?  The upset of taking the matter seriously?  The possible distress involved in actually dealing with the conflictual issues? Cost and time involved?  What I see most often is a reluctance to examine oneself, and accompanying that are fears of having to learn new life skills and learning more about how I “tick”, what biases I hold, and what beliefs and behavioral patterns I’m dedicated to that I might have to change.  Sure, it’s understandable that many folks dislike change, but at what cost should they cling to old worn-out ways of relating that are hurting their relationship?  What’s necessary here?  The attitude cited previously – the belief that “I can always learn something new”.  Socrates said it centuries ago: “the unexamined life is not worth living”.

Hopefully, taking advice will be less of a challenge going forward than it has been in the past.  Take a chance and accept the advice of a trusted mentor or longtime friend who knows you well and has your welfare in mind.  See if that advice is different from your own inclinations in dealing with the problem you’re facing.  If you take their advice and the issue meets with a positive resolution, make your gratitude known!