Ever notice that you’re staying too long in something that’s not working for you? A relationship, a job, a volunteer position. Through time I’ve come to see that being a therapist is in part about being a student of human nature, and one thing I’ve noticed so often is how we persevere in behaviors regardless of the fact that we’re really not happy with the results. Studies have been done indicating that adult children of alcoholic parents are particularly susceptible to falling into this trend. Why do we operate like this? Isn’t this an example of how we get in our own ways? What are we trying to accomplish by staying in something too long?
Are we being overly loyal to a traditional way of doing something? On many a committee I’ve heard members say of a perfectly good new idea, “but we never did it that way before”. Is the new idea really not a good one, or are we just afraid to venture out with something new?
Staying with the old pattern may give us the illusion of safety, but is it really safe? Remember, species that fail to evolve become extinct. Are we trying to comfort ourselves with a feeling of familiarity, but really setting the stage for a larger disappointment down the road?
Give it some thought, “how come I’m functioning this way?” Loyalty? Safety? That’s the bigger question…
Chase E. Kneeland, M.Div. LMFT 