In every human communication there are two aspects, similar to how a song contains words and music. There’s the “data level” of the communications – the words – and there’s the “affect level” – the feelings and emotions circling around the words. Together both are conveyed best by a person-to-person encounter.
Texting and emails have become commonplace in our daily communication culture, but I hesitate to call them vehicles for full communication because they lack the capacity to convey feeling and emotion accurately. They’re fine for what I call “raw data transactions” such as “where are we meeting?”, or “I’m picking up the kids at 4PM”, but not much more than that.
It’s too easy to misconstrue someone’s intent in a text that says, “Where have you been?” Is the writer simply benignly asking for a response or is he mildly irritated that you’re running a few minutes late for your afternoon meeting? Registering the intent of the sender incorrectly and then responding reactively/defensively can lead to a cascade of misunderstandings. “Is this matter too personal to handle with a text or email?” is a great question to ask. Texts and emails are limited in their ability to convey feeling tones and emotional nuances; they are much better suited for transacting “raw data” that’s not so personal. Remember, positive and satisfying communication between two people should always be more personal than impersonal.
Chase E. Kneeland, M.Div. LMFT 