Are You A Positive Person?

As a member of a local church in our community I’ve been involved many times with congregational projects, initiatives and outreaches. Many times I’ve witnessed in committees someone coming forward with a creative new idea and being met with an avalanche of reasons why the idea won’t work or isn’t possible to be actualized in our congregation. You know what then happens to the conversation? It dies, and the person who offered the idea retreats into silence.

Negativity like that shuts down conversation and drains the energy out of what could be interesting and provocative idea-sharing. Negativity like that might be rooted in a general reluctance to consider a new idea, or fearfulness with thinking about change, or in an attempt to resist trying out new pathways in life. Sometimes the wish to “stay safe” and keep the status quo is also a factor. But regardless of what the motivation for the negativity is, it’s not a good platform for growing and developing.

Where might negativity in life come from? How come some folks are across-the-board negative while others seem to be predominantly positive? Many times it’s due to one’s history, how one grew up, the forces acting upon a person as he or she developed, and their reactions to those forces. Let me give you an example: a young man came to see me some time ago for self-esteem issues and a “persistent negativity in my attitudes” that had bothered him for years. He was well-educated, had good work, a stable marriage and was healthy, so he couldn’t imagine why he was plagued with these negative attitudes. As it turned out, his father had abandoned the family and he was raised by an alcoholic mother who was not emotionally available to him as well as physically impaired by her drinking; frequently he’d arrive home from school and she’d be passed out on the floor. She was unreliable and he could not depend on her to take reasonable parental care and shepherding of him…indeed, it was he who had to “parent” her. He developed a lifestyle of vigilance and caution to “prepare himself” for any life situation his mother’s impairment might throw at him. Clinically speaking, his “negative attitudes” were compensatory to his chaotic and unpredictable upbringing. In a manner of speaking, he’d “come by his negativity honestly” and was protecting himself against upsetting surprises in life by maintaining an attitude of caution and negativity. As he began to see the roots of his negativity he was able to appreciate it more and battle with it less. Gradually he came to feel more positive about his life and the chronic negative attitudes lessened.

Ask yourself, “Am I a positive person?” If I’m not basically a positive person, why is that? Most folks never ask that question; they just accept their negativity as normal and try to press on in life regardless. That’s not a good solution for the dilemma. If left alone, the negativity persists. If challenged and confronted, old attitudes will have to morph and shift. Like mushrooms, they grow best in the dark. So, let’s end this conversation on a positive, encouraging note – you’ll be surprised what you can change in your life when you examine yourself, ask hard questions of yourself, and don’t settle for being saddled with old, troublesome attitudes that you no longer need to live with!