Have you ever noticed there is always another project at home calling for your attention? It seems that’s just the nature of life in America. The usual demands are constantly there; they never end. The challenge is to say yes to some and no to others. Is that easy for you to do?
Do you distinguish between the urgent and the routine when you consider the demands upon your time and energies? Urgent matters can’t be postponed or denied, while routine matters can be attended to later. However, I have found many of us can’t differentiate between the two and wind up categorizing most matters as urgent…or pretty close to urgent. This sets the stage for us to easily get overwhelmed and feel like we’ve lost control of our lives – like our lives are running us, instead of the other way around. The next step in this progression is for us to sink into feeling there is no rest for us, no let-up in demands on the horizon for us. This is certainly not a recipe for a peaceful life!
Have you ever imagined that getting sick is a way for our bodies to get us to slow down, take a break? If so, you’re certainly not alone. The body undisputably has a wisdom of it’s own, and perhaps we see that wisdom in play when we become ill and the illness forces us to hibernate for a few days. On the heels of this happening, here’s a fascinating question – if we took better care of ourselves and built resting, temporarily withdrawing from the demands of the day, more into our lives…would we need to get sick?
Although many folks I know complain about not having enough “time off” from work, it’s astonishing to me how many people finish out their calendar year without taking all their vacation time! The average French worker enjoys 30 days off per year of paid vacation time. According to Expedia in a 2014 study, the average American worker received 15 paid vacation days per year…and took 14 days. Striking, isn’t it? I know more than a few people who confess to me that they actually feel guilty when taking time off, and feeling guilt usually means we’ve disappointed someone or let them down. Who or what do we think we’re letting down? Is there something which predisposes us to having mixed feelings about letting ourselves rest and become restored? Or are we wrestling with being loyal to an ideal, trying to please a way of living that’s been passed onto us from our parents and their parents before them? This is really something to be mindful of because ideals are never able to become fully realised – they’re not meant to be – ideals are meant to be approximated, to be sought after!
Where has this tremendous emphasis on working (and not resting) come from? Have we always been living with it and affected by it or have there been particular times in history where it became more pronounced? If we checked GDP and national productivity over the decades we might get a clearer picture, but I remember my grandparents mentioning how “the nation got back to work” following World War II. Has a national theme of recovering from the stresses of war and the effort it takes created subtle but pronounced effects on many of us? Have we somehow contracted a “social virus” from our ancestors?
Do you ever find yourself extending your workday to get one more task accomplished? Ask yourself, “what’s the toll on me for overextending myself?” This is a really important question. Ultimately, only we can be our own monitors. Yes, we can tell ourselves we’ll only stay at the office for an hour or two on Saturday…sure, we can ask our marriage partner to call us and remind us that it’s getting late…but in the end we’re the only person who can draw the line and take a break.
Some time back I shared office space with an attorney friend of mine who golfed almost every weekend during the warm months. I asked him how he managed to fit it in and how his spouse viewed his pursuing this passion. He said in no uncertain terms that it made him a better person, better to be with, more present, patient and available. This is a lesson he learned a long time ago and I’ve only learned in recent years. He’s 100% correct.
In closing, let’s not undervalue rest & restoration. Let’s be careful not to get overextended in our responsibility-laden lives. Let’s remember not to lose ourselves in the process of living.
Chase E. Kneeland, M.Div. LMFT 