Do You Expect Too Much Of Yourself?

Almost everyone I know tends to do this, to put the “bar too high” for themselves.  Why do we do this?  As with any trend we spot in ourselves that causes us difficulty, we should sit down and analyze “how come I persist in doing that?”  Where did I get the tendency to require too much of myself?

Ask yourself, “who are the original people who expected things of me?”…usually the answer will be “mom & dad”.  This is normal; there’s nothing wrong with parents having expectations.  Parents should have expectations – but the expectations should be linked to the age and ability of the child!  Often we make the mistake of asking a child to do a chore that’s too advanced for them. This is a blueprint for a failed expectation and a child who learns to feel badly about himself.  Remember, every child wants to please mom and dad, and when we give them tasks above their ability level we’re setting the stage for unhappiness all around.

How do children usually respond when they fall short of an expectation?  Very often, they blame themselves for “not doing better”, or “not doing enough”, or “not trying harder”.  Children tend to place blame on themselves, not the person who gave them the task they’re not ready to do.  Consider it…might this be the genesis of a trend to ask too much of oneself?

I am constantly looking for new and meaningful ways for us to understand how come we’re the ways we are, particularly when those ways don’t work very well for us.  It’s my experience that when we understand why we’ve adopted ways of being that are self-defeating, then we can change them.  It’s like knowing the truth…when we finally come to the truth about a knotty matter, then we can give up on being preoccupied by it and feeling plagued by it.  Like finding that lost object in our house that we put somewhere and now can’t find. Or having a favorite piece of outdoor equipment not work no matter how many times we try to fix it.

We all want to do the best we can in life and not run from challenges or simply give up on them.  We’re taught to stretch ourselves and bring out our best.  However, when “getting the right answer” is done to quiet fears about “am I good/acceptable enough yet?”, then we’re on the wrong track.  A inner concern like “am I good enough yet?” can only be ministered to by an inner conversation with yourself.  Do you take the time to have those conversations with yourself?  Hopefully you have people in your life with whom you can share conversations like this. Ultimately, this is the best pathway for coming to grips with tendencies to ask too much of oneself.